We had been through a lot together. We went from seeing each other every day in highschool to whenever we could in university. During the duration of our friendship I have moved away, twice. We have had different life trajectories. After finally finding my feet I continued in academia and she, graduated from university and worked consistently at a job related to her degree. She has had a boyfriend for quite sometime now and I have remained single. By her remaining grounded here. in Vancouver, she was able, through work and school, to maintain friendships and create a group of friends. I, on the other hand find myself in the situation where most of my meaningful relationships are in different time zones, leading to frantic facetimes, late-night whatsapp conversations and a somewhat uneventful life in Vancouver itself in regards to friends.
From the age of 12 to now, we have changed as people. Time and experience have had their ways with both of us and Im grateful that I still have her as a friend since I have lost so many through my own life choices of moving away and focusing on my academic career. Starting anew with people in places I had moved to made me realize how much I value a friendship in which you dont need to constantly explain yourself because the person has been there in the passenger seat of your car on the journey called life with you.
I found myself saying to her that night that I was afraid that we were coming to the age that we no longer have friendships that are immediate. What I meant was that after sometime, with the establishment of a work routine and, for some, an elevated personal life, friends begin to meet for "catch-up sessions," and those meetings become their periodically allotted friendship time. I have had this happen with friends and if there is anything I hate as a socially introverted person it is small talk and answering questions like "so...what have you been up to?" or "what are your plans for the future," that too from people that used to know a version of you that no longer exists.
My point was, why do we partake in such a pretence? Why do we hold on to those friendships when clearly what you have been up to and who you are becoming are not topics that can fit into an hour or so long coffee date, keeping in mind that both parties need to share? I understand that the relationships we created in the past meant something and that you may still care about these friends dearly. But at some point the informal becomes formal and the friendship becomes cooler talk built on nostalgia and "catching up" that has left me, more than once, feeling empty.
I was glad that I could sit across from a friend and feel the opposite: emotionally, mentally, metaphysically and philosophically full, a rarity I find--and I could be wrong about--moving forward in life while we chase our futures or get run-down by daily life.
Chambray Shirt: Forever 21, similar here, here and here
Top: Primark, similar here
Trousers: H&M, similar here, here and here
Shoes: Topshop, similar here, here and here