Coffee dates with old friends | Footnotes and Finds

Monday, 9 November 2015

Coffee dates with old friends






I sat in the trendy hipster neighbourhood of Vancouver across the table from one of my oldest and dearest friends that I have had the pleasure of knowing since the age of 12 over a single tea and a single doughnut after dinner. We exchanged ponderings about life and others' lives[in a rant more/gossip less manner], about politics and growing up, about expectations and reality, about the past and the future.

We had been through a lot together. We went from seeing each other every day in highschool to whenever we could in university. During the duration of our friendship I have moved away, twice. We have had different life trajectories. After finally finding my feet I continued in academia and she, graduated from university and worked consistently at a job related to her degree. She has had a boyfriend for quite sometime now and I have remained single. By her remaining grounded here. in Vancouver, she was able, through work and school, to maintain friendships and create a group of friends. I, on the other hand find myself in the situation where most of my meaningful relationships are in different time zones, leading to frantic facetimes, late-night whatsapp conversations and a somewhat uneventful life in Vancouver itself in regards to friends.

From the age of 12 to now, we have changed as people. Time and experience have had their ways with both of us and Im grateful that I still have her as a friend since I have lost so many through my own life choices of moving away and focusing on my academic career. Starting anew with people in places I had moved to made me realize how much I value a friendship in which you dont need to constantly explain yourself because the person has been there in the passenger seat of your car on the journey called life with you.

I found myself saying to her that night that I was afraid that we were coming to the age that we no longer have friendships that are immediate. What I meant was that after sometime, with the establishment of a work routine and, for some, an elevated personal life, friends begin to meet for "catch-up sessions," and those meetings become their periodically allotted friendship time. I have had this happen with friends and if there is anything I hate as a socially introverted person it is small talk and answering questions like "so...what have you been up to?" or "what are your plans for the future," that too from people that used to know a version of you that no longer exists.

My point was, why do we partake in such a pretence? Why do we hold on to those friendships when clearly what you have been up to and who you are becoming are not topics that can fit into an hour or so long coffee date, keeping in mind that both parties need to share? I understand that the relationships we created in the past meant something and that you may still care about these friends dearly. But at some point the informal becomes formal and the friendship becomes cooler talk built on nostalgia and "catching up" that has left me, more than once, feeling empty.

I was glad that I could sit across from a friend and feel the opposite: emotionally, mentally, metaphysically and philosophically full, a rarity I find--and I could be wrong about--moving forward in life while we chase our futures or get run-down by daily life.

Chambray Shirt: Forever 21, similar here, here and here
Top: Primark, similar here
Trousers: H&M, similar here, here and here
Shoes: Topshop, similar here, here and here

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19 comments

  1. You make such a good point and I totally agree!! Some of my closest friends I've made outside of college but they are very few and were made because we skipped the small talk. PS Those pants are so fun!

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  2. We come across many, many people in our lifetime, but only a few of them stay. There's a big difference between a social friend & an actual friend. Sometimes I feel pressured to be out in society and enjoy a social gathering just because it's demanding (in many ways). While on the other hand, a simple lunch date with a friend is far more relieving.
    Oh and your outfit is so cool. It reminds me of summer, as I try to bear this cold weather.
    Noor | Noor's Place

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  3. I love those pants! I would never think to wear them, but they look great!

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  4. Nice casual suite!

    www.silvertreedentistry.com

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  5. Love your pant!!! Great outfit and looks beautiful!!
    Xoxo,
    Love from www.trangscorner.com {a lifestyle, fashion, beauty, and food blog}

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  6. Much I enjoyed reading your blog

    www.alvoresblog.com

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  7. Amazing pants, love this look!

    http://bellemelange.net/blog/

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  8. Love your outfit - the pants are amazing and you've complemented them so well with the rest of the outfit!

    I've actually had a conversation with an old friend just the other day very similar to what you spoke about in this post, that making new friends is all well and good but it's so nice having friendships already in place where you don't have to explain so much in order to say something so simple.

    Kyah - www.weekendtempo.com

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  9. Great post. Friends come and go in life. We all change and sometimes it means you grow apart. I have friends from high school who I meet up with once every few years. It's always the same topics but I'm glad we do share a bond from the past. We know who we were, where we came from etc. That could also give a warming feeling.
    Lovely photos by the way!
    www.theavantguardian.com

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  10. I agree, I am socially introverted as well and with questions like "what have you been up to" I usually have quite the short answer of "nothing much" to most people!

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  11. You look amazing! Nice blog and style!

    xoxo

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  12. True friends are hard to come by and that is why the "search" is always on at different stages of life....thanks for sharing your thoughts! Very striking pants btw :)!


    Prudence
    www.prudencepetitestyle.com

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  13. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think a relationship would have to be really meaningful for us to make an effort to work when it's long distance. And it's hard. But I think they are worth it because these people are such an important part of our lives. And like you said, we can leave feeling full and energized by their presence. :)

    <3 Trou
    Wildflower

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  14. Thanks for sharing ur thoughts. I find true friends are really hard to come by and for that reason I prefer quality over quantity when it comes to friendships. I'm really glad I found ur blog because I absolutely love it! These pants are so fun and I love the way you've styled them! Have an awesome weekend:-)

    www.wunderbliss.com

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  15. I love this post and your outfit! Good friends really are blessings!

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  16. 'A friend in need is a friend indeed'- my life has taught me this lesson time and again. I think we all have such friends who teach us what friendship is both in the positive and negative way. Great post!

    Loved the floral pants. You have stylishly paired them with the denim shirt :)

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